


i never knew daylight could be so violent

by spdervrses



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Avatar & Benders Setting, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Fire Nation (Avatar), I have no idea why I'm writing this, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn, i'm trying to prove a point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25266181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spdervrses/pseuds/spdervrses
Summary: Ty Lee is the sun and Azula is her shadow, desperate for the light that she casts.
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 118





	i never knew daylight could be so violent

The young girl with the pigtails and a constant grin on her face follows her around like a puppy, occasionally accompanied by Mai. Ty Lee worships her. Even as a child, Azula is familiar with the notion and it pleases her. She’s been raised to be worshipped. But make no mistake, Ty Lee is the sun.

She is no stranger to worship as well.

Where Azula is worshipped because of her father and her position in the fire nation, Ty Lee is worshipped for her charm. Besides her delicately framed features, she is also warmth embodied. A strange disposition that still manages to catch Azula off guard.

Ty Lee is the sun and everything in her orbit is pulled towards her without much effort. Azula included. It infuriates her to no end the hold that she has on her. Even as Ty Lee pulls away and draws nearer towards her brother, light laughter on her lips at whatever it is that Zuko has to say.

It is irritating.

Azula sends a small bolt of lightning through her friend, her eyes trained on her. There is a small part of her that intends for it to hurt. The selfish part of her that would rather hurt her to keep her than to lose her. It is childish jealousy and something much darker in her manifest. As if to remind Ty Lee that she is still there and still an option.

It shouldn’t cause more than a minor sting but Ty Lee bursts in tears. She never seems to be far from it and her wailing alerts Zuko to her. He puts his arm around her and holds her hands in his in an effort to soothe her.

Azula makes no effort to hide her irritation. If Ty Lee is the sun, Zuko must be the moon and Azula fears that she will be overshadowed by his eclipse for the rest of her life. He gets everything, he always has. Their mother’s love, their father’s attention even if it is only because of his constant failures. And someday the throne. He doesn’t get to have her too.

Ty Lee is the sun and Azula is her shadow, desperate for the light that she casts.

*

Azula does not mourn her mother. Not the way that Zuko does, with unconcealed tears in his eyes at the slight provocation and a withdrawn demeanor.

Azula’s mourning comes in the middle of the night and manifests itself as visions of her mother, the details of her face completely missing. Her dreams always end in fire and her mother is gone. Whether it is at her father’s hand or her own.

Her sleep is blue. Blue moonlight, blue dress, blue flames that eat up the edges of her subconscious and chase after the tail of her mother’s dress. The woman in front of her begs and pleads as she’s backed into a corner. Azula watches herself draw back her hand towards her body. Her mother’s pleading is reduced to sobs as she silently begs her. She turns around nearly dismissively and seems to think better of it.

She turns around, irises dark and lifeless as she extends her hand in her mother’s direction. Everything is blue. Her mother’s scream chases her from her dreams.

Azula wakes up trembling and cold, an unusual feeling for somebody with her abilities. It seems that no matter how long she runs, she’ll never be able to escape her father. It takes a moment for her vision to adjust and her eyes find the small figure at the door of her room. Azula sits up in her bed.

“I heard screaming from my room.”

Azula considers denying it. Her mother is a weakness and Azula does not often admit to weakness. Instead, when she speaks it, it comes out plainly. “Dream.” And for whatever reason, she adds, “you can come in. If you want.”

Ty Lee doesn’t hesitate. She crosses the space of the room over to her and sits freely at the edge of her bed. It occurs to Azula that she is the only person who she’s ever allowed to be free in her room. Ty Lee’s hand finds hers and it takes everything in Azula not to pull.

Azula has learned that close proximity between the two of them only causes her to want more. More of her. And that has never been an option.

But Ty Lee shifts slightly on the bed. She places her hand gingerly on Azula’s face, a light caress of her cheek. Her eyes are intent and searching on her face. Azula feels exposed somehow. “Are you alright?” she whispers to her.

Ty Lee’s hand on Azula’s cheek chases away her thoughts.

Azula shrugs. “Does it matter?”

“It matters to me.”

Azula does not attempt to speak. She’s not sure that she can. Instead, she repositions herself and lays her head gingerly on Ty Lee’s lap. For a moment, the other girl goes still as if unsure what to do next. It only lasts for a moment before she’s lightly brushing strands of hair away from her face. Azula doesn’t sleep but she doesn’t push her away either. She feels safe here.

*

There is very little that is beautiful about the fire nation. Efficiency over aesthetics has always been a main priority. There is little room for beauty amidst a nation built on blood and forged with an iron fist. But she is.

It’s always been a well-known fact since they were kids. Even as a child, she’d been beautiful with delicate soft features and eyes that shone bright with childish innocence. She’d grown older and her beauty had evolved into something more mature. The light in her eyes had never shifted though.

The door opens.

“You know they’re coming right?” her tone is light, and she stares at Azula, eyes wide and unabashed even as she begins to raise her brow at her. Ty Lee has never been afraid of her, even at times when Azula would have liked for her to be.

She answers plainly, ignoring her initial thought to play dumb. She’s not sure she would even know-how. “Yes.”

“And when they get here, what are you going to do?”

Azula glances sharply at her, brows raised. Ty Lee has managed to take her by surprise. Azula has never once doubted what she will have to do when the avatar and his band of renegades find their way to her. She’s always known it. Even as her brother masqueraded around an outcast with one mission, Azula had always known that eventually, he would fail and it would rest on her shoulders to do what he could not.

That’s where they’re so different. Both of them born with a degree of delicacy and innocence that most children were. Zuko’s innocence had bloomed in their protection of their mother’s love; a protective arm around his shoulder and encouraging words despite his failure. In the absence of such luxuries, the same light in Azula had been stamped down and replaced by hard edges and nearly maniacal determination.

It’s made her stronger. It’s made her ready.

Azula has never doubted that but in the light of Ty Lee’s question, she hesitates for a moment. It is a moment too long.

“What I’ve always done. Whatever it takes.”

“Do you ever get tired of it?” Azula raises her brow in response. “Do you ever wonder what you would do if you didn’t do whatever it takes?”

It is difficult to imagine what she might be if she had a choice. What sort of person she could be as a normal girl with normal problems to worry about? If she didn’t have to think about a kingdom to rule and an Avatar to kill? If the innocence in her had not been buried for an affinity for destruction.

She lies. Because it’s easier. “No. I don’t know anything else.”

For a moment, Ty Lee is quiet opposite from her, a usual state for the girl with endless thoughts. Her eyes are on Azula’s, legs crossed underneath her. In her hand is a packet of a sugary snack that Azula had picked up during their journey and tossed at her. She’d watched as a smile lit up her face and then turned all at once to hide the smile that threatened to break out across her face.

“All of this. Out entire journey comes to an end tomorrow.”

“Yes.” And then more cautiously, she speaks picking her words slowly. “And what will you do once this is over?” Once you are no longer required to stay by my side.

“I might go back. You know, to the circus.”

Silence from Azula. It is too tasking for her to school her features into an appropriate expression and find words that don’t give away the turmoil she’s feeling.

“Maybe I’ll visit sometimes,” Ty Lee murmurs as if she knows.

“Maybe,” is all that Azula can bring herself to say. But they both know that it’s unlikely. It is only a matter of time before some boy takes notice of the same light that had drawn Azula to her. Before long, she’ll be gone forever, and she’ll belong to somebody else forever. Her girl.

Azula does not attempt to hide her stare as she gazes at her. They’ve never been very shy in each other’s company. Underneath the moonlight, Ty Lee’s jet-black hair looks nearly blue and her eyes are a kaleidoscope of colors that Azula is quite content with trying to decipher. There’s sugar on her fingertips as she picks up small pieces of the crushed sweet from the bag. She’s a vision.

Azula has always liked her in bright colors.

Azula is so distracted taking in her appearances that nearly doesn’t notice her speaking. She raises a lazy brow at her, and Ty Lee repeats her words. “What if I left tonight?”

Azula’s heart quickens in her chest. “Tonight?” Her voice is tight and controlled.

It is her own bravery and familiarity with Azula only that allows Ty Lee to continue speaking. “Tonight. If I skipped out on the actual battle.”

“And if I need you?”

“I highly doubt there is anything that you could use me here for that you couldn’t do for yourself.”

That is not what I meant.

Azula inhales deeply, her eyes narrowing on Ty Lee like darts. “Stay. For one more day. See our mission to its end. Stay.” With me.

“What if I stayed and my luck finally runs out tomorrow?”

It occurs to Azula that all of this is a challenge of sorts. Ty Lee, with her quick fingers and feet, has never been one to back away from a fight. She craves it in fact. It was one of the things that had initially drawn Azula to her. The ruthless nature underneath her sweet smile. She encompassed a space that Azula has never been able to. The angel and demon on her shoulder.

But if this is a challenge, Azula has no intention of backing down. “I would never let that happen, you know that. I’d never allow any harm to come to you, angel.”

The words are spoken with a light tone and a rare smile on her face. It may come off as a vast exaggeration to others, but Ty Lee knows her better than anyone else and Azula doesn’t often exaggerate. She wonders what she would do if she left of her own accord.

“Azula —”

“I’m serious. I’d burn down the world to keep you with me, Ty Lee.”

Azula, in her heat, has leaned forward, her eyes sharp and wide. Every word that she utters feels as if she’s chipping off pieces of her heart and putting it into her hands for safekeeping. They shatter into smaller fractured bits when Ty Lee shakes her head at her.

“I don’t want you to.”

Azula recalls the pleasure that she’d seen on Ty Lee’s face when the boys from the beach had fought over her. She remembers the gleeful grin when a boy at the market had stolen from the merchant and nearly burned his shop down because she’d asked for fruit from it. The only thing that Ty Lee loves more than chaos is chaos being caused in her name.

“You don’t understand it’s not the same.”

“How is it not the same?”

“It’s you.”

It is as if they are children again and Azula is watching Ty Lee watch Zuko and as they grew older the revolver of boys that always seemed to be around her, too far away to ever reach her. Azula pulls away stung by her words. Before she can do so, Ty Lee is grabbing her hands. “You’re not like everyone else. Other people know when to stop. They know when enough is enough. You don’t have that.”

“I have you.”

“I don’t want you to kill off what is left of your soul in my name.” Azula is not sure there is anything left. But Ty Lee says, “I happen to like it,” and Azula thinks that she may not have a soul, but this feeling is as close as she’ll ever come.

It gives her the heart to ask for an impossible request. “So, stay. Stay here with me. Don’t go.”

“I can’t be your conscience Azula.”

“Then try.”

When Ty Lee shifts opposite from her, her heart plays hopscotch beneath her ribs, threatening to burst from her chest. No matter how many times they find themselves in situations like these, Azula will never be able to bring her heart to beat at a normal rate. She thinks that Ty lee might be able to tell.

It does nothing for her heart that the other girl takes her hand in hers, her fingers making circles over her skin. Azula thinks that if she created a creature from her wildest dreams, it would pale in comparison to Ty Lee. They’ve come to this point several times and Azula has never had the heart to close to gap.

But it must be something about the moon over them.

She closes the gap between them and presses her lips against hers. It takes a moment to realize that this is no dream. This is real. Her lips on hers are real. The unsteady thump of her heart is real. The coolness of Ty Lee’s skin against her is real. Every atom in her screams that she’s gone and done it. She’s ruined the only thing that has ever been hers. But Ty Lee kisses her back. And that’s real too.

It is never this warm in her fantasies. Her skin continues to heat, outweighing the coolness of Ty Lee’s skin but it does nothing to deter her. Azula is not often scared but her hand in Ty Lee’s hair trembles slightly as she pulls her closer to her. Her kiss is sugary and mind-numbing, driving every thought off Azula’s mind until all this is left is her name on her mind like a siren’s song.

Azula is not a delicate creature but one would never be able to tell the way that she holds Ty Lee against her. Even as she pulls away, she holds her lightly as if she’s terrified, she’ll break.

The expression in Ty Lee’s is unreadable in the dark.

“I’ll stay,” she whispers to her in the night.

It is her wildest dreams come true. “No.” Azula is a selfish creature and it takes everything in her not to take the words back the moment that she utters them. Here she is, with the very thing that she’s wanted for all of her life and she’s turning her away. “No, you’ll go.”

And I’ll stay and think of you every day.

But perhaps this is just another act of selfishness. It is easier to be a monster than to try to unlearn it.

*

Ty Lee does not regret it. She’d made the decision only a few seconds before she carried out the actions. And even then, her main preoccupation had not been to save Mai but to stop Azula from doing something she would eventually regret.

There is only so far one can go before they are irredeemable.

Her primary instinct has always been to protect Azula. Against her better judgment even at times when she was unsure that Azula wanted that protection. Although Azula has never needed protection from the things about her, Ty Lee has become far too invested in the task of protecting her from herself.

She’ll never be able to escape the look on Azula’s face as she’d touch her fingers lightly against her pressure points. Eyes wide, beads of sweat across her forehead and the look of betrayal. Frozen as she watched Ty Lee grab Mai underneath her arms and run out the door. Ty Lee had only spared one glance back at the girl who had held her so close the night before. 

There are no simple answers. It has never been simple for them.

Ty Lee does not regret it but the ghost of her will never let her forget.

It's nearly impossible to tell and it really may be a fabrication of her imagination to ease her guilt but Ty Lee could swear that for a moment, when she'd glanced back, that she'd seen something resembling gratitude behind Azula's expression. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is very much just me filling in some gaps to see how i interpret their relationship/ the vision that i have in mind so they are probably a little out of character. i haven't written in a while sorry this sucks


End file.
